i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just high enough for therapy.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize