Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
