Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
