I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
