You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
