i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
