Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
