Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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