Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
