Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
