I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If that was your dad, he is hot
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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