So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
birth control should be required to get into college
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
