saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
