So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
