Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
