New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
