I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
