I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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