You just made me feel so damn special
i think my tv is drunk
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
