the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
