The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
