i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
