i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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