The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
