what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
