dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
