I need to stop coming to work sober
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
