Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
