I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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