that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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