I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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