next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
