wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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