Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
