I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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