I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I will die if light touches me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
