Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
And then he peed in my hair
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
