wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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