so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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