Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize