I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
