I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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