I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
