Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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