and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
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I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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