I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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