so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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