and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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