You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
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My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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