Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
