Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
