Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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