Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
