why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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