There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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