Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need to calm my uterus...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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