My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
