every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
organizing the empties. That sober.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
