On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
