He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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