You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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